Outfield Wall: 2- Cardinals' Center Fielders: 0

04/20/2012

Cardinals 4 Pirates 1

Cardinals Center Fielders Declare War on Walls (Walls win)

Dearest Skip and Jon,

It has come to my attention that you haven't been informed that center fields around the league are enclosed by a wall.  When people run into walls, they tend to get hurt. That is to say that the wall always wins.  Yes, even a padded wall. 

So.. you say that padding they put on the walls is really lousy? (Hey! At least its padding and not ivy covering a brick wall!) Well, it's not made to guard against fielders running into it at full speed.  There's this sort of fancy device called a Warning Track-- you know all that dirt that surrounds the field?  Next time you feel dirt and not grass under your cleats-- SLOW DOWN!  Why?  Because the wall is near and it always win.

Jon, your mistake two nights ago was not being a guy called Jim "Jimmy Baseball" Edmonds.  Wow. That sounds harsh.  Let me explain, Jimmy did not run into walls, he climbed them.  I don't know if you know this, but the padding on the walls of Busch Stadium was selected to aid Jimmy-- to make it so he can stab his spikes into it and reach over the wall to steal a home run.  Now, granted that ball landed a bit beyond anyone's reach, but next time you're tracking a ball to the wall-- pull an Edmonds!  Beware that the wall is coming, and prepare to climb it if needed! Okay?  Good.  Now, I hope your sprained shoulder starts feeling better.  The wall is a fierce competitor, isn't?

Skip, your mistake came in letting people call you-- at 32 years old, mind you-- Skip.  Wow. That was unnecessary.  Sorry, Jared, your mistake came in totally disregarding the fact that you were running toward  an immovable piece of padded concrete.  I mean, seriously?  The first inning of the game and our replacement center fielder (for the center fielder who lost his battle with the wall the day before) collides with a wall, leading to the first batter scoring on an inside- the- park home run. (Should we make your RBI total -1?)  I must say, Skip, I was impressed that on your first play of the 2012 season-- your first play since being activated from the disabled list-- you promptly ran into a wall.  

I was dumbly amazed to see this back-to-back wall-attack.  Is it a sign that the Cardinals 2012 campaign is doomed?  Nah. I hope not. (But with Berkman constantly injured and now on the DL (hopefully for the only time this year), Allen Craig nowhere to be seen, and Carp on the mend-- well, we'll preach resilience again this season, it seems).  Some history... Rick Ankiel  was the first A.E. (After Edmonds) center fielder to collide with the wall.  He was carted off on a stretcher while wearing a neck brace. Sigh. 

Anyway, good win. Lance Lynn looked amazing. This game was a 2-1 nail bitter until the ninth inning when the offense decided to use the devices in their hands properly.

'Til Later!

Tossed into the 'ssippi: Outfield walls, those pesky things!